“There are two motivating forces in life – Fear & Love. When we are in Fear, we pull back from life. When we are in Love, we open to all of what life has to offer with passion, excitement and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves we cannot fully open to our ability to love others.”

― John Lennon

You know that feeling!?

The feeling you get when love takes over all your rational, mature, sane and controlled thoughts. Suddenly you appear somewhat irrational, insane, immature and opposed to being ‘in control’ you’re off floating on some fluffy white cloud with your head stuck in an orgasmic love bubble.

You’ve been struck by cupid’s arrow and your work colleagues can’t quite comprehend why your eyes are so sparkly and your smile is beaming from ear to ear. Let’s face it, you look ridiculous but, you’re feeling so good that nothing could possibly break you down.

Your friends aren’t fools; they know exactly what’s going on! Why? Because you couldn’t help yourself as you gushed your way through a conversation filled with ‘mushy loved up fairy-tale moments’..

It’s okay – don’t wince, we’ve all done it and the truth is, everyone is secretly jealous of your loved up life.

Super jealous in fact!

couple-love

I’m even jealous writing about it even though this thought piece is actually based on ‘my-self’… not my ‘current-self’, but my ‘past-self’ none the less.

Let me explain..

In an attempt to relate to all men and women who’ve fallen deeply in love (at least once) and experienced all the butterflies and crazy tummy explosions that come with it, to suddenly being hit by a tornado of hurt and pain when their dream romance falls apart.  You know that moment when the break up is suddenly real and no matter what you do, you cannot resolve it..   There’s no going back and suddenly the person you once saw ‘forever’ with is gone.  There is this detachment, this hole in your heart and you suddenly realise that nothing will ever be the same.

You’re crushed, shattered and completely destroyed.. 

It’s that horrifying moment when loss hits you smack in the face and you’re left bare, naked and completely empty in your grief.  Toss in a little anger, a few tequila shots, vodka, rum or whatever it is you need to do to momentarily escape the pain..

The reality is.. You’re utterly broken.

So, how do we overcome that fear (which is so damn real at the time) residing deep within us of experiencing loss and heartache again?  We build walls!  Very high walls!  Walls that no one is getting over and we throw a padlock on our hearts and just say, “No, No, No”.. to any possible suitor who dares to come within an inch of us.

Funnily enough, we often throw ourselves into anything that causes distraction.. In other words, we “get busy” and we love saying, “Oh, I’m just too busy to even think about a relationship right now!”  

We may even choose to run a marathon for the first time in our lives or transform our bodies, take up Yoga, Cross Fit or do a few Spartan challenges!  Hell, why not?!  Am I guilty of this?!

Absolutely!  

Why we do we it?  Because it improves our self worth and makes us feel strong again!  It generates a sense of achievement, of success and its generally the only way we can prove to ourselves and our ex-lover/s that we’re okay..  That we don’t need anyone to look after us and that being “single” is the best thing ever!

Yes, high-five yourself now if you must, but I hate to burst your bubble as this is all just part of the healing process..

The reality is, we eventually start seeking love again.. little by little.  However; it’s sort of like taking our first baby steps.. Initially it’s a struggle and we may choose to go back to crawling for a period of time, but eventually we get back up!  And yes, it’s quite possible that you’ll stumble and fall down numerous times along the way.  The important thing is that you get back up every time and keep trying!

So, how do we finally overcome the fear of being hurt again, the fear of loving someone again, the fear of deep intimacy, the fear of allowing.. and the fear of being coupled up again?

The list goes on, feel free to add more fears here before reading further..  

Here’s a little insight into how we ‘humans’ magnificently complicate stuff..

We, as everyday normal people can often have an irrational, unprecedented fear that something will go wrong in our lives and unfortunately it can be so overpowering that we unconsciously & unknowingly manifest it. For example, where relationships are concerned, we can unconsciously build walls to protect us from a ‘perceived pain’ that may or may not happen. Fear may even cause us to push our significant other away before they are able to reject, leave or abandon us.

It’s a natural form of protection and a coping mechanism many of us have undoubtedly used time and time again over the years. A coping mechanism that has most likely caused more harm than good

In most cases for me, when my fear is triggered, it stirs up past pain of grief, loss and abandonment. A pain that I’ll do anything to avoid.

I admit this isn’t a new ‘thing’ for me and in the past I’ve tended to push it aside rather than deal with it. However; recent circumstances have forced me to realise that I, like you, actually have a choice.

A choice, really?!

The simple answer here is that we can all consciously choose “Love Over Fear”.. in every situation!

I know.. I know.. You may actually need to read that again!

Who’d have thought it’d be that simple, right?

Looking into this concept a little deeper, it appears that (as humans) fear is our default choice. We instinctively choose fear over love for it’s a natural way of protecting ourselves from experiencing pain.

Let’s face it, love can be really scary, but it can also be truly amazing. It’s a matter of perception, awareness, openness and.. Drum roll please.. a matter of choice!  There it is again.. that word.. “Choice”.

“Choice.. Choice.. Choice” 

You could almost sing it!

Align Yourself With Love

So how exactly do you start making these conscious choices?

Well, there are a number of ways in which you can “Align Yourself With Love” everyday.

Read more here to find out how… or click on the padlock heart to open the link.

Remember, fear exists within us all and when present it will always ignite two main responses:

1. Forget Everything And Run
2. Face Everything And Rise

Fear or Love? The choice is yours…

L’Amour Conquiert Tous 

#LoveConquersAll